


DM

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Series: YouTube AU [6]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, M/M, YouTube, but also ya thats a thing in this boi, i mean this is still pretty light for content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-05 01:07:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16357709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: Peter is doubled over laughing, “Tony you dumb gay slut,” he wheezes out.Stephen frowns like he’s trying to find the correlation to Tony’s sexual activity and the beginning subject of this video- Stephen’s idea- and Tony wonders if he’s ever seen a meme. “Its not my fault,” he says, also laughing.“Then who’s fault is it that you managed to get your landscaper’s name wrong for twenty five years?” Stephen asks.





	DM

**Author's Note:**

> So this boi in particular is about Stephen and Peter being annoyed about people sexually harassing Tony, who is sort of used to the mistreatment by now. That, I think, gives a good summary of any potential warnings this might need. I mean the tone is still pretty light all things considered, which keeps pace with the rest of these oneshots, but still.

Peter is doubled over laughing, “Tony you dumb gay slut,” he wheezes out.

Stephen frowns like he’s trying to find the correlation to Tony’s sexual activity and the beginning subject of this video- Stephen’s idea- and Tony wonders if he’s ever seen a meme. “Its not my fault,” he says, also laughing.

“Then who’s fault  _is_  it that you managed to get your landscaper’s name wrong for twenty five years?” Stephen asks.

“He never corrected me,” Tony wheezes. “I’ve sent him Christmas cards with the wrong name for  _years_. I got his wife’s name right and I’ve only met her once.”

Stephen lets out a long sigh. “His name was  _George._  Tell them what you called the poor man for twenty five years,” he says.

God, he sounds so disapproving. “Michael,” he mumbles, snickering around the name as Peter starts laughing all over again.

“How do you fuck a name up that bad?” Stephen asks.

Tony shrugs.

*

Stephen gives Peter an offended look. “I didn’t know you knew how to play the guitar, why didn’t I know that?” he asks.

Peter squints, “dude, I didn’t even know you had a dead sister until last week and you’re acting personally affronted that I didn’t tell you I could play the guitar?”

Tony frowns, “you have a dead sister?” This is news to him.

Stephen rolls his eyes, “Donna died when I was ten, you play the guitar now. How was this a skill I didn’t know you had?” he asks.

Thankfully Peter seems to be on the same page as Tony because he exchanges a confused look with him. “Baby, I feel like your dead sister killing your ability to love and connect with people is probably more important than the guitar,” Peter says.

Stephen, Tony swears to  _god_ , wrinkles his entire face in confusion and he can’t help but laugh even if the situation itself isn’t that funny. “Where did you even get such a preposterous idea?” Stephen asks, clearly baffled.

“Wong and I were talking about it. We came to the conclusion that after your sister’s death you sort of shut down because you didn’t want to lose anyone like that again,” Peter says.

Probably not an analysis that’s wrong, Tony knows a thing or two about pushing people away out of the potential pain of losing them if he comes to care, but Stephen clearly doesn’t accept it.

“Nice to see you’ve taken up arm chair psychology, honey. That is not the subject of this video, though, and dear audience members. Stop sexually harassing Tony,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest in an annoyed manner.

Tony frowns, “what?  _That’s_  the subject of the video? People don’t sexually harass me,” he says. Stephen’s form of wrangling has gone awry.

Peter squints, “dude, people sexually harass you  _all the time_. All those gross sexual Tweets you get, the naked fan arts and shit? People throw their  _underwear_  at you. That’s not normal,” he says.

Maybe not, but it is if you’re a celebrity. He’s made his peace with that a long time ago but when he says that Stephen looks offended. “Than maybe we should treat celebrities better. No one should ever just  _accept_  that people treat them that way, and I’m tired of people sending you explicit social media messages like that’d be socially acceptable to do in any other situation,” he says.

“True. Gamora sometimes gets shit the way you do from people on the street and she gets pissed off for good reason when people yell gross sexual remarks at her. Pretty sure the her logic, not wanting to be treated like a piece of meat, still applies to celebrities,” Peter says.

Tony squints, “you’ve literally told people to look at my ass,” he says, pointing out the obvious flaw in his logic.

Peter squints back, “dude, saying that you have a nice ass and to look is so not encouraging people to send you hundreds of ‘pound my ass, daddy’ tweets a day. One is being normal and knowing when an ass is nice to look at and acknowledging it, the other is harassment. Come on man, you should know this. And your ass is criminally underrated, but everyone stop looking at it because apparently  _some_  of you damn heathens can’t just look and give it an appraising nod like a normal person, you have to go out and and send Tony fan art of Stephen eating his ass like a fucking normal thing to do. If you wouldn’t send it to your crush, don’t send it to a celebrity,” he tells the camera.

“Don’t send it to me either, I have a job and I’m not having some moron tweeting me ruining that reputation because they think that sending explicit sexual content my way on social media is acceptable. That  _does_  come back to reflect me at my job,” Stephen says, clearly irritated.

Tony raises an eyebrow, “when the hell did  _that_  happen?” he asks.

“Oh, so your mad that  _Stephen’s_  life is being affected but not yours? This is what happens when people get used to mistreatment, people,” Peter says. “Also its happened with me too, but in my job any publicity is good publicity so people’s sex fan art hasn’t really done much except make me more of a brand, I guess. And linked me to Tony’s brand, which in itself is a huge fan base. Kind of bullshit how that works to an extent, but still.” Branding, yeah, Tony knows how that goes and he’s never really liked being a consumable product, but it does make sales go up if he is so. Guess he’s stuck with it.

“So what happened?” he asks Stephen, who shrugs.

“Not much, but I still dislike being dragged into an office so people can discuss tweets I had nothing to do with. That is not my problem,” he says.

Good thing Stephen has no problem defending himself, then. Tony isn’t so sure most other people would even know how to handle that, but Stephen is always quite vocal about whatever it is he thinks for better or worse. “I always thought the fan art was kind of sweet,” Tony says. A little weird that people think that much about him when he isn’t around, sure, but sweet nonetheless.

Peter perks up, “oh to be clear fan art is awesome, I love when people send me stuff they’ve made with my characters and whatever. Its cool that I managed to inspire all that, but that’s totally different than someone painting painting me sucking your dick and then sending it to me. Getting stuff of my characters is fine, but stuff of  _me_? Kinda creepy. Unless its like, a head shot or something, but you’re the only one who’s famous enough to get stuff like that,” he says, adding that last bit somewhat hastily.

Stephen smiles a little, “the kids sending you things is nice, they’re just having fun. But adults sending sexually explicit fan art should know better, every one else is fine. And people sending you sexually explicit tweets, yelling sexual comments at you on the street, and trying to  _grope you in public_  should all be banned from participating in society,” Stephen says, nose twitching in annoyance. Wong pointed out that he did that once and Tony can’t unsee it.

“Also people who throw underwear,” Peter adds.

“Bras count,” Stephen throws in.

“What am I even supposed to  _do_  with those?” Tony wonders more to himself than anyone else. “I usually end up donating them when I get a sizable amount unless they have phone numbers on them, obviously.”

Peter rolls his eyes, “no one should  _have_  a sizable amount of bras thrown at them to donate. Seriously people, imagine if you got treated like that, people throwing tit slings at you and shit. Would you  _like_  that? Because one time this guy threw his jock strap at me and the smell was so burnt into my nose hairs I debated on just throwing myself off a cliff to escape it,” he says.

“Is this seriously the topic of this video?” Tony asks. “Because I feel like we could do better than this.”

Stephen’s eyebrows fly up, “really? Because I think that since we’re actually having conversations about sexual assault and harassment this is a great time to tell people not to act like disgusting beasts. And I’m tired of seeing you resigned to this kind of treatment, you deserve better than that,” he says.

He’s genuinely pissed off, so is Peter, and Tony has never really thought about it. Once he was an adult that was that and he sort of just accepted it, that’s the nature of how he’s lived his life. Its kind of touching that they care though Tony is sure not much will change. Celebrities have always been treated this way and he’s kind of flattered that he’s been named sexiest man alive on multiple occasions.

“I mean I guess,” he says when Peter and Stephen stay silent long enough that he gathers that they want a response out of him.

Stephen looks even more annoyed and Peter sighs. “I honestly shouldn’t have to tell fans to not fucking harass Tony, seriously. It should be common sense not to do that.”

“And,” Stephen says, “before some moron inevitably whines that ‘we can’t even find celebrities attractive anymore’,” he says in a mocking tone, “I will point out that’s not the problem. If you have functioning eyes you find Tony attractive. Finding him attractive does not mean its okay to yell ‘fuck me’ when he walks by you on the street, send tweets detailing your sexual fantasies about him, or try and and grab his ass. I don’t see how those two things are even  _possible_  to confuse,” he snaps.

“I guess because people think sexual attraction is something to act on,” Tony says.

Peter rolls his eyes, “and in pretty much any other situation we tell people who treat people like you’ve been treated that they’re assholes. How many women have pointed out that yelling sexual stuff in the street isn’t fun? Or that random dick pics are gross? Or that grabbing them isn’t acceptable? That doesn’t become okay because you’re famous  _or_  a guy.”

Tony opens his mouth to say he’s never gotten unwanted dick pics but that’s actually not true. They just sort of blend in with the rest, he supposes. “Remember when Stephen started diagnosing people’s STIs from the pictures they sent?” he asks and Peter tries not to look amused but he is. Stephen doesn’t look less pissed off, but he hadn’t found the situation amusing at the time either. Tony and Peter, however, nearly pissed themselves laughing at Stephen’s colorful descriptions of people’s potentially diseased genitalia.

“Also utterly unacceptable. Send nude photos and I  _will_  respond with an unflattering description of your labia,” Stephen says, keeping a straight face. Peter starts laughing, probably remembering several descriptions from when Stephen decided to do this the first time he’d gotten annoyed with the nudes. He’s done it with the fan art too and honestly Tony feels a little bad for people on the receiving end of some of his comments given how... vicious he can be. For a pacifist he’s damn mean.

Stephen squints at Peter, “are you laughing at the word ‘labia’? Its a body part, Peter, grow up,” Stephen mumbles.

Peter manages to calm himself after a moment. “Sorry, its just that we name things weird. Seriously though, stop with the harassment, alright? Its possible to find someone sexually appealing without sending them a bunch of sex stuff, and if you’re the one guy who eggs in Tony’s ass? Get off the internet and find a therapist, man.”

“Same for the one who wanted to vore him as Pennywise the clown. I never needed to know what vore was,” Stephen adds. “You’re scarring us all for life.”

*

Poor Stephen is face planted on their bed dead to the world in his scrubs and Peter, who had obviously missed him, has curled up with him on the bed. “So Stephen thinks cute little domestic moments will make these videos more fun and this was too adorable not to show you guys.” He walks closer to the bed with the camera, focused on Peter in particular.

“Stephen just got out of a particularly long surgery, as you can all see, and Peter hates the smell of hospitals. Reminds him of his mom. So, because he’s probably the most adorable boyfriend ever, he somehow managed to locate my father’s gas mask from World War Two and put it on so he can curl up with Stephen while avoiding the smell,” he says.

Peter looks ridiculous in the mask but it must have worked given that he’s snoring away peacefully. Stephen is so tired he apparently isn’t even capable of that given that he usually snorts lightly. “And,” Tony says, moving to the side of the bed, “because Peter is Peter he’s curled up with his favorite body part of Stephen’s.” He zooms in on Peter with his face next to Stephen’s ass, on hand gently gripping Stephen’s cheek while he sleeps.

He unzooms and turns the camera around, “and keeping with the theme of the video please don’t make weird fan art of this. Especially if its some Doctor Who crossover where Peter is asking Stephen if he’s his mommy. That would...” he wrinkles his nose a little, certain that he looks as concerned as he feels, “greatly disturb us all.”

*

Stephen rubs his eyes, frowning and leaving them mostly closed against the morning sun. Peter looks chipper because he’s a freak of nature and can handle early mornings while Tony and Stephen move like zombies. Though Stephen wakes up pretty fast after coffee, habit of being a doctor he supposes, while Tony isn’t awake until three pm.

“Why is there a gas mask in the bed?” he asks and Peter laughs.

“Shit, I forgot to move that. Sorry,” he says. Stephen looks nonplussed, apparently satisfied enough that Peter had a gas mask in the bed to begin with. Frankly Tony’s question is why its there  _still_  rather than why its there at all. But he’d been the one to find Peter curled up with Stephen though he would have assumed by the time he got back from his trip to Europe Peter would have had the sense to get rid of the mask. Apparently not.

“Comments on this week’s video are interest- hey, how come the tag is me sleeping on Stephen?” he asks. Just because Stephen decided he’d take control of video structure doesn’t mean he’s the one editing so neither of them knew about that.

Stephen shuffles over, curious, and smiles at the screen. “That’s adorable,” he says. “Its like you think if you let go of my ass it’ll run away and never come back.”

Peter gives him a frightened look, “don’t joke, I’ve had nightmares about it,” he says.

Tony rolls his eyes, “the comments?” he prompts.

“Right, yeah. Turns out most people actually agree with the sexual harassment stuff and you know when you find out there’s discourse about stuff you didn’t know about?” he asks.

Tony nods, “turns out people are very passionate about ice or no ice in drinks. Rhodey discovered this working in fast food and people will scream,” he says. Peter frowns and Stephen looks just as confused but Peter asked about discourse about stuff he didn’t know about.

“Yeah, okay. So aside from people’s stupidity over ice, turns out there’s a whole thing about not shipping real people. You know, like fanfiction stuff. So that’s a thing I never knew about. Also there’s like two hundred ‘we can’t even find people attractive anymore’ comments that people have responded with using Stephen’s face when he was mocking people he knew were going to say that. And there’s a popular comment with Stephen’s face post my Donna comment beside a picture of a disgusted dog with the caption ‘same energy’. Meme game is good in here if you avoid the arguments,” he says, scrolling through the comments.

Tony never reads the comments on account of that being where the worst of humanity lives to mouth breathe on the rest of the population. Stephen typically doesn’t have the time to read the comments but Peter sifts through them semi-frequently.

Stephen hums a little, “guess it’s better than the response to ‘how to convince your roommate your house is haunted video’ that resulted in a lot of frightened mothers,” he says. Yeah, the comment section was mostly people reporting that their moms had threatened to kick them out on account of being scared by Stephen’s practical magic tricks. Tony had posted a few follow up videos of him scaring Rhodey, who has since decided he doesn’t need a best friend. Probably because his screams and facial expressions have become memes. Mini Peter isn’t making it any better given how fast he turns out new memes of Rhodey.

Peter sighs, “yeah, no shit. Half the comment section scared their moms, the other half was yelling about abuse, and then there was the weird subsection dedicated to Wong appreciation.” He shakes his head and yeah, that’d been an experience. Though to be fair Tony did agree that scaring people with heart problems maybe wasn’t a good plan given that he’s a person with heart problems.

“I wonder if I could figure out how to recreate the events of Amityville,” Stephen muses to himself.

“Do that and I will remove you from my life forever,” Tony says. “Shit floating around I can do, ectoplasm on the walls? I’m fucking  _gone_.” Rhodey would be proud of him for not being the dumb white guy in the horror movie.

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


End file.
